i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
