Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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