got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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