i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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