it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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