If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
