I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
