You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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