i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
