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I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
