Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
