at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize