I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
