Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
