Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
