Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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