im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
