you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
