9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
