Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
