Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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