i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
