They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
