Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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