Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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