The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.