Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.