my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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