He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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