Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
