hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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