Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
