Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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