We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
