whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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