We're facebook friends in real life
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
