That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
