Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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