I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
