Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
