uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
