it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
