The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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