Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
