is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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