when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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