i just had sex bonerless
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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