do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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