one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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