we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
