god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
