like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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