I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
