4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As shirtless as possible
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
