watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
