I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I stole a fireplace last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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