At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
