we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
