I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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