first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
