He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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